Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! Steve Urkel: I've never tried out for athletics before and the equipment list says that every guy should wear a cup. To rob and murder? And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. I'm jealous of Todd and you want me to help him. Steve Urkel: Loving you is like trying to touch a star. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. the signs as potential pick up lines from hamilton. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Hey Steve, Was'sup? Me and the guys were going to have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of town. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. Verbs are our friends. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How could you mess this up? Steve Urkel: [reading] "No mouth breathing, no snorting, no drooling". [Laura walks in the door dressed up in a stereotypical nerd fashion. Mango? 2023. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel. I was not abrasive. Wha? I can assure you that we Urkels are a fine, old family, with a proud name. Waldo put today's date on the flyer. Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for? Maxine Johnson: Yeah and poor you, you gonna miss your prom. Harriette: Better add zucchini to that shopping list. Harriette Winslow: And it would be nice if you would support me sometimes instead of hiding behind your napkin and caring what the other people think. Harriette Winslow: And I always mark the year, you gave it to me. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series? Steve Urkel: To keep the camera on him and forget all the other meatheads. You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. Self respect. Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Laura: [running in] Guess what? Steve Urkel: Steve Urkel! Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! This isn't my grandmother. Not when it's swirling around a porcelain tank. You're wrong, the maitre'd gave me a two for one coupon. It's a cool chamber. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Oh man I didn't think you were this cool. Now, what you do on your own time is your business. Carl: Overreact? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 10, Went to the market. Someday, I'll thank myself for this. Nobody threatens my woman! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. [Eddie sits down and Carl grabs his hair]. Oh, the room is spinning. Carl: If that's the case then I plead guilty. You would win the gold. Steve Urkel: It wasn't that play that cost you the championship. The black kids won't talk to the white kids, people are calling each other names, taking sides! Gun, Carl. Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say. What about it, Steve. It's not fair. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, now Harriette, that's a bit harsh. A heart that hurts. Did I do that? [Steve has just fallen off the tree and onto the Coopers' pet Doberman, Damien. And sometimes I was sorry I ever started the whole thing, but I didn't quit. 1 The Shrink Machine Was Made To Make The Winslows Plenty Of Money. Steve Urkel: I've invented nuclear batteries. [after Steve's Urk-yeast exploded all over the room]. Stupid? Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! Laura Lee Winslow: [enters the room] All right, Curtis. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. Carl: Uh-oh. Web. I don't *ever* want to work for you again. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How'd that happen? While he was starring in "Family Matters" as Steve Urkel, White also began a side hustle as another staple of the era's popular culture . Introducing yourself to someone new is always scary, whether you're on an app or in person, since the possibility of rejection is part of the deal. I'm here. Steven Quincy Urkel: I wasn't the one who overslept, Ms. Rip Van Winslow. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! He is portrayed by Jaleel White. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura this elixir will improve my coordination, my posture, my vocal intonation, and I might even sprout a chest hair or two. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [told he can't go to the party] You mean I was nice for nothing? He acts like a gangster, gangsters hate cops. Steve is clumsy and obsessive yet charismatic and likable. Reading, 'Riting and Racism? So they picked up all our stuff and moved us. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: over and over and over. Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. Carl: 3, 2, 1 1, 2, 3 What the heck is bothering me? Don't nothing, never mind me, Carl. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance! Rachel Crawford: Right. Chuck is twice the man, Raoul is. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That's one month longer than they taught it to me. Chain: It occurs to me that you could be wired. Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? Money has germs on it. Waldo: But, why ya gonna do that, Willie? They help move along our sentences. Steve Urkel: Danger's my middle name! All these people think the party is tonight. I want more Punch! Carl: What? Bushwhacker Luke: Me and me brother, we hate cops! Steve Urkel: Laura? Judy Winslow: Boring. [He leaves the house]. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Yup. Stop the music! Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. Steve Urkel: Yeah, and then if you sneeze why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb in a cantaloupe. Curtis: I know you're disappointed. 4 Mar. I almost went to the movies with Vicky Vanderfanny. Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. Baby Girl: You couldn't push me out of this park if you wanted to! Steve Urkel: Oh, Gosh golly, Jeepers Creepers. Trying to cover it up only make things worse. I just wanted to make things better but I ended up making them worse! Steve Urkel: [Steve is still wasted] Ooh the Durkel! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yeah, you have to use bleach. I'm Stefan sweet thing. Cool. And since no one will play with me, I have to say so myself. The wind has chapped my lips. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Now let me get this straight, you dented the car. [Waldo and Maxine are dancing to R&B music and professing their love for each other. I can teach you how to cook. This isn't right Weasel. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. Harriette Winslow: [Waldo crashes his snowmobile in the Winslows' living room] Waldo? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The refrigerator. Look I clued everybody in. Steve Urkel: Why, I can see the headlines now! 1. They're disgusting. I'm wearin' you down baby, I'm wearin' you DOWWWWNN! Suppose I made it happen. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, Everything was Going Just fine, until You Blabbed that I was a cop. Carl Otis Winslow: Out for a walk around the block. Ouchith! He's a very large man who should be here any minute now. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Wow. Aunt Oona: Well not good, my kitchen exploded. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I save every card you give me. Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? Well if he does it again, I'm gonna grab his bellows and make a wish. [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'd better lock it then! Steve Urkel: I hurt myself. White, known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom "Family Matters," is. Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. Carl Otis Winslow: [furious] Edward is in jail. Harriette: I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class. If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. Me and Laura went ice skating together. Am is a verb, verbs are our friends. It's like wanting to touch a star- you know you'll never reach it but you've just gotta keep trying. And even then I knew it wasn't right. In the current social climate that is rich with dialogue about appropriate consent between men and women, women are quite reasonably, on guard about objectification. Steve Urkel: [collecting] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Will you marry me? Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. Laura: What you did for me tonight was really special. Steve Urkel: No, I don't like to disturb anyone. Let's call it recycling. Laura: Yeah, every time I used the bug spray. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: These last 2 weeks have been wonderful for me. Carl was his horse. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, your old man's read a book or two. Carl: I'll tell you what's sad Harriette, I've watched two full hours of the "Bridges Of Madison County" and Clint didn't blow up one bridge! Old money has more wrinkles! Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? No. Steve Urkel: Come on everybody, let's ooh the durkel! Carl Otis Winslow: Well I talked to your boy Squeeze and he won't be bothering you for a long time. Didn't you? And if you call me names, do I not eat? Steve Urkel: I don't have to take this! Because, I already told him I do remember him. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah? Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. Waldo: Cheating it wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. What is the value of X? That one friend who says going to gym will solve everything. I love this lady [Laura] and I can come over here anytime I want to and you can't stop me! At a party, once, he clamped cables to his earlobes and jump-started a Volkswagen. Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Big guys have never played keep away with your hat on a cold day. Laura Lee Winslow: First you better sprout a chest. Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh honey, I hope they don't cheer too hard. Carl Otis Winslow: Well there's no rush. I could hear him sobbing in his suspension chamber. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Carl Otis Winslow: Well Harriette, what are those people teaching down at that school? Steve Urkel: Oh yeah, just last week, she actually telephoned me in the middle of the night. Steve, what happened? Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Rachel Crawford: Honey, how long were you in there? Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it? Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp? Carl Otis Winslow: [More excitedly] Yes, ma'am! Rachel Crawford: Yeah do you want to be buried or cremated? We were just having a little fun. Steve Urkel: Uh, Eddie, is this a bad time? I don't ever want to go to that restaurant again. Robber: [threatens Steve] You! Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. Oh, I see. Waldo: I got close once. Carl Otis Winslow: Come on, Harriette! This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in. Can you give me some money so I can finish my Christmas shopping? I can almost see what you had for lunch! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What? I know how you feel about Laura. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? I can't afford a B on my permanent record. Judy: Were all of Dad's friends named Darnelle? No, you're not invited. It's fascinating. Now can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ground you for the rest of your life. Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? Carl Otis Winslow: Or in my case, Hello Rubber Chicken. [skips away from Stefan and Myra towards the elevator. Carl: You know, bowling was a great idea. Aunt Oona: The water main snapped when the roof collapsed. Steve Urkel: I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again.